the winds are howling outside my window and i am terrified. i am utterly afraid of storms. when did this fear start? not exactly sure. i always remember being afraid of storms. when i was little, i was afraid of losing power and not being able to watch tv. now, i get scared of storms because a lot of times they produce tornadoes. i am so so so scared of tornadoes. it’s probably irrational, but i don’t care. they scare me and i just wish they never existed. and because there’s a warning until around 2 a.m. i will probably be wide awake until 2 a.m. awesome. i am trying to drown out the noise by watching friends, but even that won’t take my mind off of my anxiety. wahhhhh. i was even planning on getting into bed at a decent time tonight. so much for that. 😛

eeeekkk!!! my heart is racing and my palms are sweating. i will be SO GLAD when this warning passes by. ugh, storms! i guess the root of all of this really stems to control. when there is a storm or a tornado watch, i get so anxious because it’s out of my control. i can’t control where it goes. i can’t control the strength of it. i can’t control it and make it go away. i’m helpless. that really scares me that i can’t control the outcome of what could happen.

i posted earlier in my P31 group a prayer request about the storm. a friend in the group posted about psalm 91. i am so thankful they did. one part stuck out to me in particular:

“you will not fear the terror of the night.” -psalm 91:5a

wow! i really need to hear this right now and have this engraved in my brain. it talks about how you shouldn’t fear the night and what it brings, because God is with you and He will protect you. at one part it talks about Him being a shield to you. that is so cool! He literally stands between and shields bad things away from us. so true! i just need to read this chapter until it’s memorized hahaha.

i need to stop fearing what i can’t control and let God shield me. He will protect me from everything. even this scary storm. i need to trust Him to calm me and bring me peace. everything will be okay because He’s got me.

i so often forget this in my day-to-day “routine”. i get so frustrated at things i can’t control and forget that He is the Only true One in control. i need to stop worry about things i can’t change anyway. they do me no good, just cause me to worry and be anxious. those things are definitely a sin and definitely not trusting God. and why shouldn’t i trust Him? He’s brought me through so much before? why would He fail me now? get it together, ashley haha. thankfully, He’s also very patient and understanding. He loves me for me and created me this way for a reason. i just need to learn to trust in Him more and worry less. He’s got me in the palm of His hands. there is no safer place to be.

*breathe in*

*breathe out*

*breathe in*

*breathe out*

well, hopefully i’ll make it to bed before 2. i just need to keep speaking the truth. God is in control. the end.

oh, and that’s my cute kitty. he’s trying to help me stay calm by being so cute!

does anyone else hate storms/wind/tornadoes as much as i do?

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