sometimes it’s really hard working a full time job AND running a full-time photography business. you have to be partially insane to think it’s possible to do both things at once haha. and to a certain degree, i guess i am a little crazy haha. i overcommit myself, have a hard time saying no, and think i can get away with being an insomniac. but in its own twisted way, it ‘s been working.
the truth is… i’m scared. and whoa! i wasn’t even planning on saying that. i just sat down to write this post, not really sure what my intentions were behind it. but it’s real. i am scared. i’m scared of working part time at the preschool, or not at all, and not making it. i’m scared of not making enough for my car payments or other monthly bills. i’m scared of emergency money being needed, like $500+ for new tires. i’m scared of not being able to support myself. ever. i’m scared of never being able to get an apartment (seriously people, if ya need a roomie, i’m lookin’!). i’m scared of another change!
yes, i’m busy. sometimes too busy from working two jobs, but it’s me. i love knowing i have a consistent pay check. i love having the teacher role at school and the photographer role at home. i love seeing my kiddies every day and giving them hugs. i have grown to embrace this balance of teacher/photographer, but sometimes it is a little much. it’s hard being out of town all weekend for a wedding or a session and then being bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at school. it’s hard writing a blog post every.single.day. especially when i’m tired. and it’s really hard to plan meetings with a client during the week, when i don’t get off work until 5:45 every day. it definitely has its challenges.
last year i nearly wore myself out with 10 weddings of my own, second shooting 7 weddings, and starting a full time job. but thanks to God, He gave me the strength to get through it AND helped me pay off my student loans (whoop whoop!). this year, i decided to do things differently. if i have a wedding out of town, i try to take that monday off to rest and edit (so i don’t get behind). it’s been a lot easier to balance things this way. it’s hard, though, when i can’t get off work. but one day, it won’t be like this. one day, i’ll be able to support myself from ONE job. until then, i have peace from God that i am right where i need to be. maybe things will change soon? maybe they won’t? my weddings have almost doubled this year, on top of second shooting. is it gonna be hard? is it gonna take a lot of discipline and endurance? is it gonna take sacrifice? yes. yes. yes! but i know that God is with me through every step and will guide me throughout this journey. i will find my strength in Him.
maybe one day you’ll be reading a post from me announcing that i am officially a full time photographer. won’t it be nice?!?! gosh! i see everyone else announcing it, wondering when it will be my turn. but i’m at peace. i’ve always been a late bloomer, and i’m learning to be better at trusting God’s timing. right now, i know He needs me where i am and wants me to pay off my car. from there, who knows. but God has always had my back, so why should i even question it. i feel like, i’m getting closer to that point (of full time), but not quite yet. when it’s time, He’ll let me know. until then, i’ll stay right where He needs me.
when that day comes for me to finally announce that i’m full time, oh how amazing that day will be. i’ll know it took a lot of work. hard work. but that’s what’s gonna make it even better.