no, this blog post isn’t about the spice girls’ song. does anyone actually remember what i’m referring to anyway? sometimes i’ll make a spice girl reference and people will be like… who? whoa now! i must be getting older if people don’t remember the spice girls (my favorite group EVER when i was younger!). but anyway, this post isn’t about the spice girls or how i used to talk in a british accent so i could be like them, NO. it’s about something else. hopefully something more meaningful.

see, sometimes i could classify myself as a “wannabe.”

– i wannabe that photographer that books 25+ weddings in my first years of the business.

– i wannabe that photographer who has lots of photographer friends and is great at networking.

– i wannabe that photographer who travels to all of these connections and makes a name for herself.

– i wannabe that photographer who gets every wedding published.

– i wannabe that photographer whose images make people’s jaws drop.

– i wannabe that photographer who is known around this industry, like so many other greats.

– i wannabe that photographer who has all of the latest equipment and gear.

– i wannabe THAT photographer.

but see, then i get a gut check and realize that is NOT what it’s about. how dare i even make it about something like that. photography is about so much more. LIFE is about so much more.

i know i have not been acting the way i should have recently and i have not had an attitude that God would be proud of. i have been making my photography business more about me than what it really should be about.

while a lot of those things are SO GREAT, that should not be all that i want. a lot of those things i want are so superficial and not what i should be aiming for. more times than not, i compare myself to what everyone else is doing and i feel so inferior to them. why can’t i book more weddings? why can’t i be full time yet? why can’t i get all of the equipment i need right now?

i can get so depressed comparing myself and then i feel like what’s the point. there are so many other talented artists out there who have already got IT. what’s the point in even trying?

WHY?

well, a couple of months ago, justin & mary hosted the “what’s next” tour. they came to DC and it looked so awesome! i had work so i couldn’t be there (totally bummed). i eagerly waited to see what all of the photographers i followed posted (because basically EVERYONE went haha). they talked about how great mary and justin were and how encouraging they were. they (justin and mary) also talked about how photography ISN’T ABOUT US. it’s about something so much GREATER. photography is about telling a story for our clients to relive over and over. it’s about telling THEIR story. it’s about THEM.

whoa! when did i forget that?! this has NEVER been about me. it’s always been about my clients and capturing what means the most to them. it’s about THEIR story, not about how many friends i have in this industry. it’s not about all of the updated equipment i have. it’s not about how many weddings/clients i book. it’s about THEM.

my business is about capturing THEIR story and giving them something to show their kids in the future. it’s about capturing their love and joy. it’s about capturing a precious memory that they may one day NEED to get them through something tough. it’s not about me at all and the sooner i wrap my head around that the better.

i’ve been discouraged lately because some of my goals i set for myself just seem like they have no way of happening. one of those goals was to book at least 12 – 15 weddings. i get so down on myself because i compare how i’m doing to others in this industry who made the goal of 25+ weddings before the end of LAST year. here i am with 5 weddings booked HOPING to get more. i need a gut check. i need to stop looking at it like i only have 5 weddings. i need to see it as I HAVE 5 WEDDINGS!!!! because honestly, i am SO STINKIN’ EXCITED about these weddings. i need to stop worrying about what i don’t have and give my all to what i do have. i am going to spoil these 5 couples and do the best job i know how to with their weddings. again, it’s not about me, it’s about them!

and while we’re talking about what’s not about me, i’ll leave you with this. my life is not about me either, it’s about Him. i KNOW it’s about Him, but sometimes i get a little self-consumed haha (obviously). i need to stop with these constant pity parties and focus on what He wants (He must become greater, i must become less. – john 3:30). if i spent more time focusing on God and what He wants for my life and less time on me, my life would be so much more of what it needs to be. He created me to show His love to others. i NEED to get back to that. i need to stop comparing myself. He has a specific plan for me (as He does for you) and i need to stop being envious of what He’s doing in other lives and keep my eyes focused on Him. He’s got a plan for me. my job is to keep my life focused on Him and my business and everything will fall how it’s supposed to. THAT is what it’s all about. to me, He is what it’s all about.

i wannabe who He wants me to be.

thanks for listening to my rambles. do any of you ever feel like this? what do you do to get through?

happy thursday! 🙂